Wonder, Ponder.

You don't see it, you can't even feel. You never have and I doubt that you ever will.
For years I wasted seconds of my life for the likes of you and my foolish beliefs things could get slightly better. I wanna rip my hair out and let you see the madness that you would still be blind too.
You were always a blind fool. A blind fool I tried to give my all too but even that was never enough.

Do you even wonder, ponder on what I am doing right now? Or the hell you set upon me and how it's destroyed me. I of course could never admit to this, I'd place on my mask I wore for all those years just to please your bitter shell. What a fool you were. Too foolish to even read the mask that expressed my feelings, a broken mask it was.

If only I could go back in time, which I am so gullible to wish for. I'd change my actions, the feelings and protect myself. Though I can't say I regret anything, I guess I'm just disappointed about the outcomes but I can say that I've come to realization that I have so much waiting for me. The future may be far from my reach but doesn't mean I can't make up for the mistakes I've made in my life.

But, when you do take time to wonder, ponder on what I am doing at this very moment. I'll be sure to not even give it the time of day, whether it's just a feeling I get or you suddenly pop back up into my life.

You lost out.
The light is out.
Curtains closed.

Don't Hold Your Breath

It's those small moments in your life, when you don't even know how or why somethings happen; like now. 

99 Problems

So, this year is an important year more in any case. I'm a senior, which is the best. I'm getting my life together. It may not seem important to some people but to me, it is. So I'm setting some goals for myself to keep everything exciting and in a flow.

1) Get fit - Yes, I know a lot of you said I haven't gained weight but honestly, I have. Which makes me feel so uncomfortable; not to mention my diet hasn't been the best since August of last year. Depression and stress can make you over eat big time and become sluggish, which is what my situation was but that's gonna change. Plus, it's not a bad thing to get fit, right?

• Plus I am thinking about recording good works outs, dieting and other things on here so I can help anyone else too. 

2) All A's, plus a B - Grades this year are important. Last two years, my grades could have been better and I want to do better. As a personal challenge to myself. Plus I need to be able to stay focused on everything this year. Especially school.

3) Work - Well I will be working Haunt again this year, but I do need a stable job and that is what I'm aiming for. I had a few close calls but they were let downs. So, I need to be able to bring in the money, since getting paid to scare people isn't an all year round thing!

4) Dad - I am wanting to see my dad improve a lot more, much, much more. For those who don't know, he suffered from two strokes last August (a minor and then the big one!) so he lost ability to work with the right side of his body BUT. He is able to walk, talk (somewhat) and kinda move his arm. I just want to see him do more because I know he can. I love you dad. <3

5) Friends? - I have a couple of really good friends who don't live near me, so I'm making it a goal and promise to see them all very soon, why? They are awesome plus a road trip does sound really fucking awesome. Don't you agree?

These are just the couple of things, I have much more I want to do but we can only take small baby steps right now. No need to rush things.

x

What's Cool In My School

So, due to watching the VMAs and falling onto my all time favorite songs and artists, I feel like posting my top hundred artists and songs (depending on if I can even have a favorite song for them!) and they aren't in any specific order, just my all time favorites. 

So here we go. .

1. Nirvana – Heart Shaped Box
2.  Shiny Toy Guns – Ghost Town
3. Marilyn Manson – I Don’t Like Drugs(But The Drugs Like Me)/mOBSCENE
4. AFI – Miss Murder
5. Halestorm
6. Tokio Hotel- Don’t Jump
7. Ramones –  Do You Remember Rock and Roll Radio
8. The Pretenders – Stand By You
9.  Frank Sinatra – Call Me Irresponsible
10. Guns N Roses – Sweet Child O’Mine
11. Aerosmith – Janie’s Got A Gun/I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing
12. Billy Idol – White Wedding
13. Mumford and Sons – The Cave
14. Live – I Alone
15. Tiesto
16. Cradle of Filth – Temptations
17. Jack off Jill – Strawberry Gashes
18. Alien Ant Farm – Smooth Criminal
19. TaTu – Mosaku (w/ Rammstein) / Clowns
20. Cinema Bizarre – My Obsession
21. Ayria – My Device
22. Green Day – American Idiot/Holiday
23. Blondie – Heart of Glass/Call Me
24. Blink 182 – All The Small Things
25. Combichrist – Get Your Body Beat/This Shit Will Fuck You Up
26. Angelspit – 100%
27. HIM – Vampire Heart
28. KoRn – Right Now/Freak On A Leash
29. Lady Gaga
30. LaFee – Princess
31. The Moxy – Step Down
32. Sublime – Date Rape/Santeria
33. Hugo – 99 Problems
34. Within Temptation – What Have You Done
35. The Pretty Reckless – Zombie
36. Alice Cooper – School’s Out
37.  Elvis Presley – Suspicious Minds
38. The Runaways – Cherry Bomb
39. Rob Zombie – Dragula
40. Iggy Pop – The Passenger
41. David Bowie – Heros/As The World Falls Down
42. Diana Krall – Walk On By/Bye Bye Blackbird
43. Muse – Uprising
44. Johnny Depp
45. Motley Crue – Girls, Girls, Girls
46. Oomph! – Labyrinth
47. Nightwish – The Phantom Of The Opera
48. Emilie Autumn – Marry Me
49. Misfits – Die Die My Darling
50. Elton John – Your Song
51. Toby Keith – How Do You Like Me Now?
52. Queen – Bohemian Rhapsody/Somebody To Love
53. No Doubt – Hella Good
54. Panic! At The Disco – Build God, Then We’ll Talk
55. Blaqk Audio – Bittersweet/Again, Again, and Again
56. Rise Against – Prayer of the Refugee
57. Wednesday 13 – I Walked With A Zombie
58. The Birthday Massacre – Blue/Video Kid
59. KMFDM – Megalomaniac
60. KISS – I Wanna Rock and Roll All Night
61. Nine Inch Nails – Closer
62. Gackt – Jesus
63. Natalia Kills – Mirrors
64. Metric – Gold Guns Girls
65. Valora – Extreme
66. CocoRosie – Gallows
67. Courtney Love – Mono
68. Kerli – Walking On Air/Creepshow
69. Alice in Videoland – Cut The Crap
70. Taking Back Sunday – MakeDamnSure
71. The Used – The Bird and The Worm
72. The Dredsen Dolls – Missed Me
73. VNV Nation – Further
74. The Smiths – Asleep
75. 69 Eyes – Dead Girls Are Easy
76. The Cranberries – Zombie/Linger
77. Johnny Cash – Ring Of Fire
78. ABBA – Dancing Queen/Mama Mia
79. Radiohead – Creep
80. Metallica – Enter Sandman
81. Sarah Brightman – Time To Say Goodbye/Gloomy Sunday
82. Gorillaz – Stylo/Clint Eastwood
83. Mindless Self Indulgence – Never Wanted To Dance
84. Paramore – Misery Business/Emergency
85. Daft Punk – One More Time
86. Poison – Every Rose Has It’s Thorns/
87. Simple Plan – Shut Up!/I’m Just A Kid
88. Bowling For Soup – 1985
89. The Cure – Just Like Heaven/Friday I’m In Love
90. Journey – Don’t Stop Believing
91. Cyndi Lauper – Time After Time
92. Lovex – Anyone Anymore/Turn
93. Placebo – Meds
94. Depeche Mode – Enjoy The Silence  
95. My Chemical Romance – Disenchanted
96. Skinny Puppy – Killing Game
97. Bon Jovi – Thank You For Loving Me
98. U2 – With Or Without You
99. Seether – Careless Whisper/Fake It
100. Billy Holiday – Gloomy Sunday/Bye Bye Blackbird

I am surprised I even finished this before 10:30. Just goes to show I know what I like. 

So, if you reach this far, awesome you read it all!! :] 

Morning Rambling

It's just like the things you do, an everyday thing with no real thought to why it happens or what it means? The only times you find yourself questioning things you know you shouldn't is within your dreams, but those are easily forgotten, for a good reason I suppose too. Going through your life holding back who you should be, what you could be but the society has it's expectations and we follow like an assembly line.

Yet, not everyone can experience the feeling of releasing themselves from the chains of life. Blossoming into who they have been desiring to be but only when they slept at night. It's that moment when you find yourself stepping on the small crack between reality and that alternate universe which in my eyes is seen as that place called insanity. You then are blessed with the ability to see the world for what is really being held within.

Of course, you'll be frightened of what you see but darling, that is the true reality. You've finally woken from that never ending dream.
Take your time, take it all in.

There is no rush.

Oh wait, never mind. Your just dreaming again. This moment, these words, they will mean nothing to you in the next few seconds. I wish I knew another way to save you, but I am just the voice in your head.

But, maybe this isn't a dream. Perhaps you did fall into the real world this time but you simply cannot remember. Then again, I'm just that small voice in your head that you never heard before.

Either way I know you'll come down from that place that chains you down, like your nothing more than a piece of flesh; you can be more than that, you can be the one to shows those who are higher than the two of us, show them that they can't play these games anymore. But.

There is no rush.

Surprise Surprise;

Well, for the new start of many, many postings; I think I'll do a fucking awesome tribute post. Since, well today is August 25, and well...

It's Tim Burton's Birthday. 

So why does this matter? Well this guy is a total inspiration to me. I grew up loving The Nightmare Before Christmas, being actually my first favorite movie of all time. The man is a genius at what he does and well, he is apart of who I am I guess I could say? Oh hell with it! 

Tim Burton has never stopped to be safe with anything he's done in his career. Being an artist, writer and film producer and director he has brought such a bizarre fantasy to us the little people. With movies like The Nightmare Before Christmas, Batman, Beetlejuice, Pee Wee's Big Adventure, Mars Attack!, Frankenweenie, Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street, and much more. 

Michelle Pfeiffer as CatWoman in Batman Returns

Beetlejuice starring Winona Ryder and Michael Keaton 

His art has exceeded dark, friendly expectations for some as well. 

Helena Bonham Carter And Tim Burton

Oh! Lets not forget those fabulous people he is always working with in his movies, that would be blasphemy now wouldn't it? It's no surprise to see the gorgeous, talented Johnny Depp who has been seen in plenty of movies, especially Tim Burton's. With another beautiful face, Tim Burton's own partner and mother of his children, Helena Bonham Carter who first worked with Burton in Planet Of The Apes.  He has also worked with other magnificent people like Vincent Price (Vincent, Edward Scissorhands), Danny DeVito (Batman Returns, Mars Attacks) and many more. 

Tim Burton and Johnny Depp

Well, what more can I say about this genius? Oh, yeah.

Happy Birthday Mr. Burton. (: 

<3




Also, if you want to know more if you don't already check out these links.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tim_Burton#Personal_life
http://www.timburton.com/

Guess Who?

So, it's been awhile since I have posted and mainly due to my laptop being busted ( thanks mom! ) and being out of town for quite sometime but no worries. I'm back with my various blogs but I'm gonna bump it up this year; a lot! 

Right now, I'm going to be updating and modifying my blog for the next day or so but then I will begin posting, like what, everyday? 

- Schuyler